Straight Path

I was well on my way to wallowing in self pity a few mornings ago.

I was in the shower before work.  It was early; I was tired; there was a lot to be done that day and the next. Some things had seemed to hit all at once over the past week, and I was feeling weary, discouraged, and anxious about the future.  Sure, I told myself, it's not that bad, but this is a lot for me to handle right now.  I can feel sorry for myself, can't I?

But in the middle of my "woe is me" mindset, God flashed me a reality check.  No, really, the lamp in my bathroom started flickering for a moment, just enough to pull me away from my gloomy thoughts.

Enough to pause and be reminded that God. is. in. charge.

It was then that I realized- this is what the message I heard on Tuesday, on Proverbs 3:5-6, was all about.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

Emphasis on the first word being trust.  With ALL of my heart.  Having total faith that God has a plan and a purpose for my life, even when it may not be as clear in the midst of trials.

Not leaning on my own understanding in the middle of whatever I am facing.  Looking to Him and saying, God, I'm not sure what you are doing with these situations right now, but I know how much you love me, and I trust in you fully.  Not relying on my own interpretations, thoughts, feelings, or that of those around me.

Acknowledging Him in all my ways. ALL of them.  Too often I can find myself in the mindset of "It's okay, God, I've got this one on my own," as if I can handle it by myself or only need Him in certain aspects of my life.

We're called to trust Him with all things- our relationships, our jobs, our finances, our temptations. EVERYTHING.  And when we do this, and place our full trust in Him, asking him to guide us in our decisions, seeking His wisdom, praising Him for His goodness, and praying for continued blessings in our lives and to others, He will make our paths straight.  

What a week this had been to remind me to NOT lean on my own understanding! By the end of my shower, I realized that God could not be clearer with what he's asking me to do.

Maybe you're experiencing trials in this season of your life.  Maybe you're feeling discouraged, weary, or anxious about the future.  Let's trust in God's plan for us, remember how much He loves us, and look to Him in all that we do, and He will lead us on the straight path, the right path, that He has for us.    

In Memory of September 11, 2001

"When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love." -Love Actually

It was a beautiful day in early September. I remember how gorgeous it was when my mom picked me up from school that day and thinking how the perfect blue sky contrasted with the evil that had taken place.

I remember going to my 2nd period class, where I was an aide to a special needs child, and the teachers showed me briefly on the TV that an airplane had hit one of the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center. Still thinking at this point that it was an accident, I wheeled the student down to the choir room where they listened to the music and informed the choir teacher what had happened. She seemed surprised, but still ignorant of the full situation unfolding, choir class continued as normal.

The details of the rest of my day at school are fuzzy now, ten years later, but I remember slowly learning about multiple planes and coming to the realization that our nation was under attack. If my memory is correct, the school administrators wanted the teachers to keep the televisions off, but we all were still talking about it anyway, wondering what was going on.

When my mom picked me up, I remember her gazing up at that perfect blue sky, completely quiet for once since we live so close to a major airport and they had grounded all air traffic, and saying that things were crazy right now. I sat on my bed, trying to do my math homework and talking to my friend who was worried about a relative at the Pentagon, and realized the world I lived in was suddenly a scary place.

I am actually grateful that I was 13 when these attacks happened, because if I was any younger, I wouldn't have understood or maybe even remembered. And I am thankful that I wasn't any older, because I probably would have been terrified.

The rest of the week, our television was tuned to the news 24/7. I would walk through the living room, my parents sitting on the couch staring at the scenes of destruction as the newscasters talked about body counts, lost loved ones, and the occasional survivor found.

People were afraid to leave their houses, get on an airplane, trust anyone who looked like the terrorists they saw on TV.

Despite this fear, after the attacks, national morale was higher than I have ever seen it in my short life. Patriotism was everywhere. Since we felt we had been blindsided by an evil enemy, we banded together as one strong nation under God who would not be overcome. If we lived in fear, the terrorists had succeeded, and we could not let them get away with it.

Ten years have gone by now, and I am still filled with awe and horror at the images and footage they play from that fateful Tuesday. I just think of the people that got on the subway that morning to go to work who wouldn't be making an evening commute home, the people who boarded a plane not knowing what was about to happen to them, the children whose parents didn't pick them up from school that afternoon, and all the people who lost a loved one or a friend.

We can't change what happened that day. We can pray that those in charge of our national security prevent such horror from happening again, and we can also remember. We should never forget those that lost their lives that day, including those who died trying to save other victims.

There is a reason this country is the land of the free and the home of the brave. The world saw a lot of hate that day, but what stood out more was the sacrifice, compassion, and love that people showed for one another in our darkest hours.

Faith

"[We are] mutually encouraged by each other’s faith." - Romans 1:12

I am a Christian. I have been for as long as I can remember. I have re-affirmed my full faith in Jesus as my Lord and Savior many times throughout my 23 years, and though I have had some challenges and times where I did not understand His plan, I have never turned my back on God or doubted his love and perfect plan for me. I have never had a time when I doubted my faith or my purpose in life. In this, I feel incredibly blessed. I grew up going to church, went to a private Christian school where I studied the Bible, memorized scripture, and learned what it means to live a Christian lifestyle. My parents raised my sister and I with good morals and as strong believers. My faith has been woven throughout my life, and it's never truly been put to the test.

Christianity inolves belief, but it is a way of life, and therefore action-oriented. My very wise religion professor pointed out that many of the Ten Commandments are concerned not with belief, but action. This has stuck with me for several years now and made me really think about what it means to be a Christian.

Recently, I've been questioned about my faith and my fire for the spirit, and it's made me realize something.

I have become too complacent with my faith and my spiritual life.

I don't go to church every week. While I do not believe that this makes you a "good" or "bad" Christian, it has been brought to my attention that this is something I should want to do, and I do. I think my difficulty has been in finding my place in a church right now....it's not something I want to experience alone. I think I need to step out of my comfort zone and try going every week, get involved with a church. Although I count on my boyfriend and many great Christian friends to keep me accountable and show me the way God is working in their lives, I need to be involved in the faith community that a church provides.

In addition to going to church and finding my place within it, I want to read the Bible more. I turn to it when I need something or am not sure what I am looking for, but I want to try to devote some time daily to it, or at least much more often. There are many things I can learn from it, and it will remind me of what's important and what I am supposed to be doing here on Earth. I want to continue to remember the fruits of the spirit, and make them part of my daily interactions with others. I want to show those around me what it means to lead a Christian lifestyle, and while I won't impose my beliefs on them, I want them to feel my passion and know that His way is the only way. I try to be open-minded, but I am going to do my best to not judge others. We are all sinners, everyone is faced with different struggles, and it is not my place to judge where someone else is in their walk with God. Matthew 7:1-2 says, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

I pray almost daily now, but I want to increase my prayer time and really want to be mindful that everything I do is for the Lord and reflects His love. Without Him, we are nothing.

God has a different plan for every one of his children, and I have no doubts about His great plans for me. However, I have decided that I can make these changes in my life to grow in my faith. I hope that my friends and loved ones can keep me accountable and help me with this. One of the most basic things God asks of us is to love one another, and I know that through this love, I can share the gospel with others and also continue to grow in my faith.

"Whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." -1 Corinthians 10:31

"Patience means waiting for God's time..."

It's so crazy to think about what I was doing during this time a year ago... going to San Antonio for a spring break trip, trying to recover from mono, wondering where Alex would be going to grad school, and worrying about finding a job and graduating in a matter of weeks. I was happy, but I was also very anxious about the future and the unknown.

Fast forward one year and here I am-- 7 months into a full-time job that I love, 7 months into doing a long-distance relationship, saving money, paying bills, and having fun in my free time. I've decided that this point in my life is kind of an "in-between stage." When I was younger, I would picture my future in very specific stages-- the stage where I was in college, earning my degree and having fun, and then the "after college stage," where I would suddenly become an adult overnight. This stage in my head meant a job, moving out, getting married, and eventually having kids. I have learned in this first year out of school that my visions weren't quite right. I am in a phase where I am a semi-adult, at least by my own definition. I have a salary job, pay for my own clothes, entertainment, gas, car insurance, credit card, and some pretty hefty college loans. I am 23 and legally can make my own decisions and support myself if I so choose. However, I live at home with my parents, and they still pay for the house, the utilities, and the groceries. This is such a blessing, because life is expensive! Living at home for a while is definitely helping me so much.. and I am putting money in savings every month.

Still, I struggle with this "limbo land" status. I have days where I am completely content with things exactly as they are, but I also have days where I am impatient and ready to move out of my house and be completely independent, pay off my loans, be in the same city as Alex, and get married. I worry about the future just as much as I did a year ago, except that now I have new things to worry about. The things I used to worry about are in the past. I have no idea how these new worries will turn out, but what I need to remember is that God has a plan for my life. One of my favorite quotes is "Patience means waiting for God's time without doubting His love." I have it written on a Post-It note in my jewelry box so that I see it every morning, and it reminds me that things in my life will happen according to God's divine plan, not on MY own time schedule, because He knows best. And through it all, I cannot doubt His love for me, because everything will become clear, even when life is scary and uncertain.

What I am going to work on, and hope to update about in this blog, is becoming content with life exactly as it is now. Yes, this may be an unusual phase in my life, but I only am in this place once, and I will move on to the next phase soon enough. I need to be okay with what God has given me now, and put my full trust in the beautiful plan He has unfolding for me.