Saturday, January 5, 2013

Just Me


You'll see a lot of other faces in my posts here- my family, friends, co-workers.  All people I dearly love and with whom I spent my time.

What you don't see are mentions of children, a husband, a significant man in my life.

Just me.

If you look back a year or so at my posts, you'll find plenty of mention of a significant someone who was once a part of my life.  I haven't deleted those posts because they are a chronicle of my past, and I wouldn't be who I am today without that person.

We dated for almost 8 years.

Yes...a really long time. The reaction I would get from most people was "WHAT?! EIGHT YEARS?", and then almost inevitably, "why aren't you married yet?"

I'll spare the full story, but basically, we were high school sweethearts who spent the last two years of our relationship several states apart.  We had a plan that involved us winding up back in the same state and getting engaged, then living happily ever after... the perfect ending.

Fast forward to last spring, and he decided to stay 1,400 miles away in California, not ready to get married, not ready to progress in our relationship.

Bottom line, I felt we had reached a no-win situation and that he was giving up on us.  So, I made the incredibly difficult decision to end our relationship.

After nearly a decade of investing time, memories, feelings, into a relationship, I was back at square one, on my own for the first time since I was 16.  It was without a doubt the hardest thing I've been through in my life.

But here I am, seven months later, doing just fine.  I love my life and the people in it, and I have learned more about myself and what I'm looking for than I ever thought possible.  Instead of dwelling on the past, I focus on moving forward.

Too often I see friends, and even people I barely know, staying in a relationship with a person they know isn't right for them, because they are terrified of the unknown, scared to be labeled the dreaded "single."  

I would rather be single, just me, with an open heart ready and waiting for someone who will love me fiercely and fight to be with me, than be in a relationship that isn't fulfilling.

I hope one day my posts will include pictures of a boyfriend, fiance, then husband, in addition to all these other wonderful faces, but until the Lord finishes writing the next chapter in my love story, it's just me.  And that's okay.



Newlywed Moments





31 comments:

  1. Thanks for being my 950th follower!

    I tried to see if I could find you on twitter or anything but no luck. Nice to "meet" you!

    Kaitlyn

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    1. Nice to meet you, Kaitlyn! I'm on Twitter as juliecarter127 and Instagram as julieccarter

      Looking forward to getting to know you!

      Julie

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  2. This is such a heartfelt post. You must be a strong person to understand what you needed to do to be happy!
    Keeping being you and you are right...the right guy will come along!

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    1. Thank you so much! I've definitely tested my own strength this past year, but I know one thing- I couldn't have made it through without my friends and family! I have a good feeling about finding the right guy one day soon : )

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  3. You have such a beautiful, positive attitude. Continue staying strong, because settling is definitely not the answer! Happy New Year!

    http://flyingfarandfree.blogspot.com/

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    1. Thank you, Robin! You're right- so many people are settling, but there are better things out there! I am heading over to your blog- the recipe you posted looks great!

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  4. I love this post...especially the last paragraph. I too believe the way you do. Its good to stay positive :) Your newest follower!

    http://tasteofaugust.blogspot.ca/

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    1. Thank you so much! It's nice to hear that I'm not the only one that believes it's okay to be on your own for a while until you find the right person. Thanks for following along, I'll have to come check out your blog! : )

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  5. "I would rather be single, just me, with an open heart ready and waiting for someone who will love me fiercely and fight to be with me, than be in a relationship that isn't fulfilling."

    I absolutely agree with you. I dated a guy all throughout college, and although it was first wonderful and loving and full of romance and all that lovely stuff that every girl dreams of, by the end of the three years, the romance faded. Don't get me wrong-- I loved him. I still do love him. But something was missing. I wasn't in love with him like I used to be. In reality, we had different lifestyles and one of us always had to compromise (we both had to compromise depending on the situation). It was really hard to break up with him, but I knew I didn't want to settle. I wanted (still want to) find the person that I will be madly in love with for the rest of my life. The guy that gives me butterflies even after knowing him for years. Sometimes I don't believe this type of love exists (I see older, married couples who are more like roommates than lovers). But I know I will know it when I have it.

    I'm happy that you were able to move on and have such a positive attitude about the situation. Mr. Right is out there waiting for you-- and he'll be happy that you realized you were with the guy who wasn't the one for you.

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    1. Butterflies- you hit the nail on the head with that one! The whole time I was writing this post, I kept thinking of one of my favorite Sex and the City quotes:
      "Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies."

      I'm glad to hear that you feel like I do and have been through a similar situation- we are strong, girl! And we'll find our men that give us butterflies that can be ours forever one of these days : )

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    2. Butterflies- you hit the nail on the head with that one! The whole time I was writing this post, I kept thinking of one of my favorite Sex and the City quotes: "Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies." I'm glad to hear that you feel like I do and have been through a similar situation- we are strong, girl! And we'll find our men that give us butterflies that can be ours forever one of these days :

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  6. I can relate. I dated a guy for almost 5 years, we met in high school as well. I could have easily stayed with him, gotten married, and had kids. But, every time I thought about it, I always felt like I was settling. He's a great guy, just not the guy for me. We were raised completely different and while some of the things could be looked past, a lot of them couldn't. I'd rather be single then settle for the rest of my life.

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    1. Jordan, I couldn't agree more- "I'd rather be single than settle for the rest of my life." Better to be alone and available for the RIGHT person than taken and married to the wrong person. It's good that you recognized your different backgrounds and knew that ultimately it wasn't right. Some people can't look past the current happiness!

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  7. Hey Just Julie :)
    Lovin' your blog name!
    I'm Sarah from TMAIT blog hop!
    Thank you so much for sharing your heart and how your life has been after that kind of a breakup. I can't imagine being with anyone for that long and living so strong like you are! Wonderful! Absolutely Wonderful! :)
    I live in Texas too! Nice to meet ya!

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    1. Hello, fellow Texas gal! Thanks for your encouraging words- it's definitely been a year of growth and recovery, that's for sure! I'll have to head over and check out your blog!

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  8. What a wonderful, open and heartfelt post. It's hard to find that sometimes but I appreciate it. And it's great that you are ok with being just you. Great post.

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    1. Thanks so much, Helene! I had never opened up about it on the blog because I wasn't sure what to say, and finally, the words were there! I'm okay with it being "just me" for a little while, as long as I don't wind up a crazy cat lady! ; )

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  9. It is a lot better to be single than to be in a relationship that isn't helping you grow. 8 years is a long time, but I'm glad you were able to move on...and that you're happy!

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    1. Thank you so much, Ashley! You're exactly right... 8 years is a LONG time, and I felt like we suddenly reached a point where we weren't growing in our relationship. And that's no way to live!

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  10. ::HUGE HUGS:: girl, this post is inspiring! <3
    Being a single lady myself it gets hard to sometimes 'move forward' but then i read encouragement like this and it helps to spur me on!
    So inspired by your tenacity to keep moving forward after a (i'm sure painful) part of your life changed, :) GET IT!

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    1. Amy, your comment made my day! I'm so glad you can relate- us single gals have to encourage each other and enjoy this phase of our lives! : )

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  11. YAY FOR YOU, SHUG! In the moment, you think, "I'm giving up 8 years of my life!" But the alternative is a lifetime with someone who just isn't sure if you are what they truly want?" No thanks! Life is too short! Thanks for sharing this story! You never know how many people will be able to relate, or find this post very encouraging. Yay for you!
    Have a great rest of the week! {And I love TX! Visited once, didn't want to come home (to NC).}

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    1. Thank you so much, girl! My thought process was exactly that- at first, I couldn't imagine being without him, and didn't want to "give up" after 8 years. But I realized that if after 8 years he wasn't ready to commit/progress in our relationship, he would probably never be ready. It wasn't healthy to stay in limbo like that!

      I just checked out your blog and love it already, so I'm definitely following along from Texas! (a great state, by the way... but I have yet to visit yours!)

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  12. This is a great, honest post. You did the right thing, and I know it was probably insanely hard. Just stay strong and do what's best for you!! :)

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    1. Jessica, thanks for your sweet words and encouragement! It WAS so hard, but it was the right decision. And time has made it all better!

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  13. This is so honest. I'm glad you aren't deleting any posts regarding him though. So many times, people end relationships and feel like they need to delete that part of their life. Without him, you wouldn't be where you are today!

    astoldbykendahl.blogspot.com

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    1. Yes! I wouldn't be who I am today without those 8 years with him, and I do not regret any of it. Our relationship is a huge part of my past and I don't need to "erase" it forever, just learn from it and move forward. Thanks, Kendahl!

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  14. Hooped over from the link-up.

    This is a great and honest post-you're a tough cookie! I know it's so hard to say good bye to someone after so long. Great to hear you're doing well!
    Good luck!

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    1. Thank you, Martha! it has been a hard year, but I have learned a lot... and I couldn't have gotten through it without all of the supportive people in my life! I'll have to head over and check out your blog!

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  15. Hey! I followed you through the "I Love my Post" blog hop! So glad I found your blog, i'm a new follower :) Come follow back if you'd like!

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    1. Thanks, Joan! I'll have to come over and check out your blog, too : )

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